Theory – On the Sexual objectification of Women

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I’m on Instagram and when I scroll through the main page all I see is half-naked, scantily clad women selling their bodies and sex, it’s like porn quite literally. Okay not literally but certainly for attention and if they’re getting/trying to get paid via Instagram followship numbers certainly increase the more clothes they take off and the more provocative they look. We all know sex sells big time and it’s everywhere.

It really irritates me, I’m on there for cooking and food, I like looking at animal accounts especially wild animal rescues mainly lions and tigers and purchasing products but a lot of what I see on the main page are half-naked women twerking.

Women love attention it’s like the honeymoon phase feeling in a relationship, at times they prefer it over a relationship because a committed relationship is hard work and a lot of stress,  it’s what sex is to men.

It got me thinking about our current times and this generation and how a lot of women and young girls think and are being groomed into thinking by media that their worth is based on their physical looks and sexuality. Also using their sexuality to get what they want particularly from men instead of using their brain for better than just the physical. Women use sexuality to get love also but that’s another story.

On the flip side men are being manipulated by their weakness for women by companies (and women) selling product with sexy women in the advertisement. It’s a double edge sword and who is really benefiting and winning from all this? Those that are getting what they want? Be it money, fame or those follow their desires completely but call it liberation, freedom or some other noun. Look at the Victoria Secrets show from example (no don’t watch it), the audience is full of men instead of women when it’s a product for women or both..

When I listened to the lecture understanding the rise of feminism, the Shaikh (scholar) stated that three centuries back women in the Muslim world were the teachers of prominent and well know scholars. They played an active role in the shaping of the society especially with the dissemination of knowledge and men had to go to them to gain knowledge. They were the fabric of the society and they participated in these much-needed roles. Of course there are women in very prominent roles but that also comes with them taking on ‘manish’ characteristics at times to be succesful at those roles and again their looks are addressed.

There is a lot of respect you have for a teacher, someone you learn from and effectively someone who shapes your life. I feel like the decline of these prominent roles in the Muslim world and the influence of the western world has led to our current state of these objectification roles for women and what’s worse is the mindset females have for it.

I see ways men talk about women on Twitter. Muslim and non, obviously it’s not 100% reflective of real life and much is banter but some just revere women as something to go to for one thing and that’s sex and sexual satisfaction. Again, a double-edged sword because women are offering this easily and readily so why not, a lot don’t follow the religious guide lines set.

There’s little respect for women, people may say that women are doing this to themselves by the manner in which they’re acting and in part I agree. You don’t want to be this type of woman where people and men look to you as just a sexual object like a piece of meat and flesh. It’s demeaning no matter how rich and famous they get. Would Beyoncé sell as many records if she didn’t act and look the way she does regardless of talent? No, of course not.

Let’s not do this to ourselves ladies, be more than an offering of physical stimulation for the male eye and discover what you can offer that nobody else can because everyone is unique and everyone has a perspective to share. Let them get to know you for your intellect, your kindness, your humour, your personality etc not just your physical exterior.

Knowledge is Power and your worth is not based upon your looks no matter how many of these wastemen try to convince you that it is. P.s Can any of y’all guess the brand of the shoes in the pic?

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Our first words to each other

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Words, people like to dismiss them, as if they have very little meaning and impact. When in reality they are the essence of our lives and communications.

As people have gleaned by now I met my husband online on a social media website, a chat room, Freeserve to be exact and what plays on my mind even to this day and makes me smirk were the first words we ever typed to one another, it went a little something like this.

He asked me where I was from (living) and i said Cardiff, he said “Wow, that’s far” (he had already told me he was from London) and i responded “Don’t worry, it’s not like we’re going to get married or anything”. This was the first time i had ever had an interaction with him. I don’t know what possessed me to say this to a random man on the internet the first time i interacted with him but i did (shrugs). We were not seeking anything at the time. I don’t remember his response, i don’t think he even said anything back certainly not anything memorable 😉

But yeah…. words you can utter something in passing without paying much attention to what you are saying, later on you may realise the impact of what you or someone else had said that’s of very little significance at the time but it changes the world for you.

Thanks for reading. Please like, comment, share and follow for two new blogs per month.

I’m thinking of writing a short marriage series, the context of ‘how to stay married’ a lot of emphasis is put on getting married but not as much talk on staying married and with high divorce rates much more talk needs to be done on this. Feedback from you, is that something you would be interested in? Let me know.

 

Why are people so obsessed with the Muslim woman??

wthI started writing this blog last summer, when there was a lot of hype on the news around HOW THE MUSLIM WOMAN DRESSES AND HOW HER CLOTHES OPPRESSESS! Remember the incident on a beach in France where four male police officers made a woman remove a piece of clothing because the mayor of Cannes banned women from wearing a burkini on the beach. He cited (as usual) bullsh** reasons that were a) “the burkini has Isis terrorist links” (no joke) b) “sanitation reasons??” and finally that it is not conducive with “secular values” there we go, aka the benchmark of secular liberation is the less clothes the more free you are apparently, even by force ;). People were enraged on Twitter and it had an effect as they removed the ban. I’m not sure what is enforced now on Frances beaches.

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Half a year later not much has changed about the obsession of the Muslim woman; How she dresses, how she carries herself, her Haya (modesty) and literally every crevice of that, what work she does and does not do, her relationship to men, how hijab (head scarf) is a ‘patriarchical enforced dress code to dominate women’ and generally how she intakes oxygen. So I’ve decided to write down my thoughts, seeing this constant rhetoric and onslaught against a group of women (me included) that want to fulfil their religious obligations so let’s explore, DISCLAIMER – I go in.

There’s an obsession from Muslims and non-Muslims, males and females and I’m trying to understand some of the reasons WHY. It may not even be apparent to them that they’re doing this due to a whole load of brainwashing from the media and the dominant western culture, some un fulfilment and people wanting to hang on to their values.

There is also a very apparent lack of understanding of Islam in regards to the rights and treatment of women within the religion, with people unanimously believing it is oppressive to women and man’s gain.

I had written a blog on understanding the rise of feminism that states very nicely and concisely that God gave rights and obligations to  women and the ONLY removal of this is by people themselves. These obligations are for the benefit and protection of women. God created mankind and know how we operate, all of this is a test for us, our Lord wouldn’t state anything for the harm of women or anyone and anything. We are the one’s lacking in knowledge and understanding and he is the most wise.

But as usual the hard-headed always has to feel the problems that go against the teachings of Islam before they believe it.

The Muslim woman is placed into a certain box, much more so than in comparison to men. The activist like Linda Sarsour (becoming more popular due to social media), the feminist, the lawyer, Dr, homemaker, mother, MUA, fashionista, YouTuber like Dina Tokio etc.. and people do it so they know what to expect and how to “deal” with her, when it’s a lot more complicated then that and people are very multifaceted. I was a martial artist for God’s sakes, you wouldn’t think it to look at me and I enjoy a plethora of subjects.

I also find it amusing at this point that when I speak with people I don’t really know (non-Muslims) and they see how I am, they still believe I’m oppressed by my husband and he’s forcing me to wear hijab. I mean c’mon with my personality I find it damn near shocking that people believe this.

My hairdresser, who’s been coming to my house for years thinks it’s because my husband won’t allow me to get my haircut outside LOL, when really it’s just the most convenient thing for me to do but she won’t accept it, so I gave up trying to convince her.

The way the Muslim woman dresses dissected

I dress fly, but aside from that the way Muslim women dress is being policed from all angles. The religious, the anti Islamic, the “Muslim” reformers et al, online and in real life. An example is the banning of the niqab (face veil) in a number of European countries. Again BS reasons were cited and for the life of me I don’t know why people believe them, either they do or they just go along with it because they don’t they like or understand it.

Post Colonialism & Anti-Islamic Rhetoric 

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‘This woman, who sees without being seen, frustrates the coloniser’, Frantz Fanon.

Why the west is so concerned with a small piece of cloth – By abjuring western standards of liberation, she asserts an identity and even power of her own, thus refusing to acknowledge the validity of an inherent power in her colonisers unveiling, subjugation and rape of her own culture. Ironically, in claiming to liberate women from the constraints of the veil, the coloniser is forced to do so with violence and force, thus becoming the culprit of the very crime that they purport to fight, Yasir Qadhi.

The obsession around a woman’s dress and the lack of her overt sexualization is steeped in history. Brutal history of colonialism and the west  – the ‘bearers of liberty, democracy and freedom’, we’re still feeling the ramifications of colonialism. With the rise of anti Islamic rhetoric, laws being passed in Europe against women that wear hijab and niqab, a very small minority at that, we’re a target for distraction from current climate’s problems.

The rise of the Islamic identity in the west is also what they want to disavow, why? True Islam fights against these governing forces that perpetuate injustice, capitalism and imbalances within society and the superpowers do not want to lose their power and riches.

The hijab is an overt symbol of Islam and people (men) do not have the control that they’re used to. They cannot look at them like usual. Women are flaunted literally everywhere but it’s not enough, they want to look at everything, they’re greedy pigs and it interferes with their desires (my husband’s comment, I giggled). These laws are a joke, like they don’t have real crime to spend their time on instead of policing women’s clothing.

Verses in the Quran that instruct women to cover and modernity and the interpretations extracted thousands of years ago by learned scholars that dedicated their lives to learning and understanding, somehow got it all wrong according to these modern-day interpreters and it needs updating like the Bible to fit in to today’s standards and covering oneself is deemed backwards, intelligible, regressive stuff, unless you’re a nun.

Islamaphobia and the rise of anti Islamic rhetoric is a big money-making market for so-called “Muslim” reformers like Maajid Nawaz that peddle government sponsored Islam for money, fame, a bit of status until they are no longer wanted and tossed aside, to those that flat-out oppose Islam.

There has been a rise in more people asserting their Islamic identity and people adhering to the orthodox teachings of Islam and this is not liked. Also a dramatically increased number of people converting to Islam since 9/11. Giving up their so-called liberation of being able to dress how they want to adhering to the laws of the faith, the majority being white women.

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Colonial poster in Algeria ‘enjoining’ Muslim women to stop wearing the veil (1958). Ambiguous meaning, “Aren’t you pretty?” Almost a rhetorical question depending on which way you look at it, ‘you should let the world see your beauty that is where your validation and esteem lies’; “unveil” or are you ‘hiding’ because you are an ugly gremlin? Nobody likes ugly gremlins 😦

‘Assimilate! You are in a western country, if we were in a Muslim country we wouldn’t be able to dress how we want’, the difference dear, is that the west claim liberation and freedom for people’s dress when the sharia does not, please stop contradicting yourself.

And we can see from countries like Bosnia where the people did assimilate, a genocide still took place against them even though they were white skinned, blonde hair, blue-eyed Muslims and it happened because they were Muslim.

People are constantly complaining about the treatment of Muslim women in Saudi Arabia and petitioning for their right to drive etc.. ok, but what about the other problems in Saudi Arabia? I haven’t seen anything about that, unless they believe it has some direct negative effect on their ‘democracy’ in their own land. So I call BS on their so-called concern. They believe that it is due to Islam and sharia law, Saudi Arabia is not the pinnacle of Islamic example and was set up by the British and we can see from history, not much justice comes from the British endeavours.

So it doesn’t matter what you do, you will never be accepted and they will never be pleased with you, so it is best to adhere to your teachings and faith, that is where the victory lies.

MUA’S & Beauty

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Yvonne Ridley, a revert to Islam said in a talk that she used to have to put on a whole different face to open the front door and now she puts on a simple piece of cloth and it has liberated her from her own old mindset.

No, MUA is not a martial art like we all think, it means make up artist and with the rise of YouTube and Instagram it has given birth to many people jumping on this band wagon, Muslim women included.

The make up industry is like a 30 billion pound industry per year. It’s big bucks, just look at the small products for so much money that isn’t necessary consumerism. Just like the fashion industry, with the biggest consumers being women. Selling beauty standards and it sells big time and these people do not want their money to be taken away, it’s capitalism and the Muslim woman breaks the mold of this very industry that plays on low self-esteem, validation and self worth.

I don’t see much difference of the commodity of a woman in the past to now, except she is the one sexually exploiting herself also, but it’s okay because money = liberation and they have no parameters, so get it anyway you can guurrl, even if you demean yourself.

Muslims doing it to themselves

Last year, for the first time ever a hijabi Muslim woman was featured in Playboy magazine. We all know what Playboy is, a degrading pornographic magazine men purchase for sexual arousal and gratification. It is the most degrading thing I’ve seen, in my opinion, a Muslim woman do thus far and I’ll tell you why.

The sister wasn’t naked she was fully covered but still attractive, the article was not memorable or even that interesting tbh but the only reason it got so much attention was because of the marketing of a hiajbi woman in Playboy. People obviously wanted to know what it was about, was she naked? It’s a fetish now because they’ve exploited absolutely everything else. Women say it’s their choice but it still exploits women! It’s an oxymoron and just shameful to exploit yourself and your religion to advance your career, you cannot be that good if you have to go to these degrading lengths.

So now if they can’t force you to remove your clothes, they’ll just brainwash you into sexying them up and lure you with making you feel like your part of their ‘successful’ society. Women are looked at for their beauty a lot and they like to be but the drip drop brainwashing without women even realising is happening. This is a market for money to be made and money talks.

Look at these “shoes” recently worn on a runway at New York fashion week, these ridiculous “shoes” that are dangerous to women’s health are acceptable and even deemed ‘cutting edge’ (quite literally) and ‘fashionable’ but a simple piece of cloth is a problem, this is how badly people are brainwashed by those that are on top.

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Muslims will not stop talking about a woman’s modesty on twitter, way too much in my opinion, maybe they are desperate for her to hold on to it in this vulgar world but I believe there are better ways to go about this and to be less reactive and more proactive. Education is key and we need to discuss these things a lot more maturely.

The Brothers The Brothers The Brothers

*Facepalm*

A lot brothers are obsessively tweeting about the Muslim woman. A high content amount pertaining to women is bordering on not normal. ‘Policing’ MUA videos and other facets just come across as ridiculously immature to me in their approach. I haven’t experienced it myself because they know…

I understand that they are concerned about having a good wife and the correct standards but they really need to check the way they dish out their advice because the way they act nobody is going to pay attention to that and change for the better.

Also a lot are very childish with their attention seeking ways of trying to push women’s buttons to have them try to come and talk to them, at times using the religion.

SISTERS – THEY ARE SAYING THESE THINGS FOR YOUR ATTENTION AND WANT YOU TO RESPOND TO THEM, STOP FALLING FOR IT JUST IGNORE THEM AND THEIR ATTENTION WHORING WAYS WHEN IT’S NOT CONDUCIVE.

When I first started wearing hijab it wasn’t correct but If I was on social media seeing all the rubbish both sexes spout it may have discouraged me to even attempt to wear it, it doesn’t hurt in the slightest to help, that is what our religion promotes completely.

Role Models and our Aspirations

Muslims have a duty unto to God first and we have to look to the pious predecessors as our role models and aspirations. The mother of the believers, Aisha (peace be upon her) the wife of the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was one of the top major two or three narrators of hadith (books describing the prophet’s words, actions, habits). She was a scholar and jurist in her own right and a major contributor to the society until the end of time.

Maryam (pbuh) the mother of Jesus (pbuh) dedicated her life to worship, Khadijah (pbuh) if it wasn’t for her support morally and materially the message of Islam could not have continued. More contemporary role models Zaynab Al Ghazali (pbuh) is a personal role model of mine, read her autobiography about her dedication to spreading the religion and standing firm for what she believed in.

We have to study them to understand their greatness and revive it within ourselves because education is imperative and knowledge is the power and the catalyst for change.

The women are raising the next generation of the ummah (Muslims) and if they are corrupted so will the nations, so we have to stand firm and strong for what’s right. It’s not an easy path but it’s the correct one and nothing ever worth it comes easy. It’s an honour bestowed upon us, may Allah grant us success in this life and the next.

Allah protect us, preserve us, keep us on the right path, make us righteous and enjoin us with the righteous ameen.

Nouman Ali Khan – The way she walks

So over to you, what do y’all think about what i said? Thanks for Reading, Please like, comment, share & follow for two new blogs per month.

 

 

Spiritual vacuum & social media

twitterI like to write blogs on topics that are playing on my mind, writing about it gets it off my chest and I forget about it, whether topics I see online or I see or experience in my life. Maybe I’m a bit psychoanalytical, I try to understand people and the root cause of things and what makes things the way they are.

I’ve noticed on Twitter, coming across tweets from non-Muslims mainly and maybe Muslims that are not practising or don’t have much of an understanding of Islam, that are interesting, inspirational, motivational, agenda driven, linguistically astute that garner a following from people who are a little lost, let me explain.

In the time of the prophet Muhammad (peace be up him) in Arabia, people could raise their social status and position in society by reciting eloquent poetry. Poetry and the use of words and language was that revered in the society, poetry was the equivalent of our social media today.

It was no coincidence that the Quran was revealed in the highest form of literary excellence which grabbed the people’s attention at that time “And we have not taught him (Muhammad pbuh) poetry, nor is it suitable for him. This is only a reminder and plain Quran”, chapter 36 Ya-Sin, verse 69.

Tweeting, social media and the digital age has given everyone who use them platforms.  Before, this was reserved for celebrities only and you had to be somewhat talented but there has been a whole cultural shift with social media and reality TV. This allows everyone to garner a ‘following’, some a very large following and this following is not just reading a persons posts nowadays but buying into their words and even the person, why? I believe this is because there is a massive spiritual void and vacuum going on in people’s lives and social media has now stepped into this vacuum that has been created.

People are lacking in guidance, religious guidance and we need it whether we like to admit it or not. Guidance is being dished out left and right on SM from people’s own whims, desires and experiences on everything from relationships, politics, religion, money, health, the whole shebang and those that are in need are following because words have an affect. Don’t get me wrong there’s some we can definitely take and I always take the good from whomever regardless of religion, sex, race.

Not only that but the people are being revered as someone to ‘follow’ because they are believed to possess qualities that can guide, such as wisdom, confidence, insight, intelligence, whatever, this also creating a massive narcissism because they are believing themselves to be somewhat correct if so many people agree, even if it’s not correct. People are loving and craving attention more than ever now, this is all a knock on effect when something is lacking.

But I still see a lot of people searching for the spiritual, I see them talking about meditation. It is our fitra (natural pattern on which Allah/God made mankind and urged them to follow). We are created to worship the creator and if people don’t they will look elsewhere. People have been doing this with celebrities for decades, following their every word and look, trying to imitate them, referring to them as my “God/goddess”, remember Michael Jackson before he even came on stage to perform people would be screaming, freaking out and fainting, yeah nuts.

There is nothing that can fulfil the void we feel within except for worshipping the creator and having a connection with him. It is the peace and solace that is needed by mankind especially in these times that are fast paced, work centric less family orientated, destruction all over the world fed to our eyes, ears and minds everyday. You cannot find it in material items or these distractions of TV, social media and entertainment that people have turned to to do that.

Let’s not get caught up in other people and personas on social media because of their great use of words and buy into them or the hype of ourselves. Trying to keep up with the latest celebrity/news gossip, chasing after it will make you crave it more, trying to keep in the know will make you want to do it more. People are fallible and a lot of this is entertainment and distraction that we use just to get through our day, keeping us away from the one thing where we will truly find comfort and happiness, worship of the true creator.

So tell me, if you are non-Muslim, what is the purpose of your life?

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Love.Internet.Connection

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I watched a programme on the TV about Apps, Dating Apps, Ok Cupid, Tinder etc.. It was talking about the popular trend of men and women using them at a high rate to meet someone for dating and other purposes. Meeting on the internet is one of the most popular ways today with the advancement of the internet, social media and apps facilitating this, you are just a notification away.

When I was watching the programme the presenter was talking to some of the women, the women said that they use these apps to meet guys have some fun but didn’t want to get too close to anyone. When asked why, she said she was afraid of getting hurt, rejected and he was probably doing the same thing with other women so she didn’t want to get attached to anybody.

I found this interesting because as a female I know the general way women think and feel. Women are obviously different to each other. We have society pulling us in this and that direction with brainwashing to think certain ways, at the same time indirectly being told that this is coming from ourselves especially in the west but still we share a basic common nature, it’s the way we are created.

So I’m active on Twitter and see a bit from MT (Muslim Twitter) a lot of the younger men and women are talking about marriage A LOT. Anything from trying to stay away from sin and dating, wanting to marry and having trouble finding someone, what they’re looking for in a spouse, Mahr, polygyny etc… Whatever it is, a basic common theme arises in both these scenarios I believe and that is people want to connect with someone but they are finding difficulty in doing so.

So why is it with everything being made easier, quicker and literally at our fingertips people are finding it difficult? People have an internet connection but are lacking in a real human one.

I believe it can be for a number of reasons;

Apps – These Apps like Tinder, Ok Cupid etc.. and this wave of hook up culture and dating, many people are using them to satisfy their basic sexual desires. They’re going from one person to the next without any real substance not emotionally investing. It’s something new, exciting and addictive and when you encounter any problems you can just finish it with one person and move onto the next. But that wears off and quickly and leaves a person feeling unfulfilled, so people continue on in this cycle believing it’s a right of passage until they settle down. Even if people do settle down this has to have some sort of effect, look at the statistics of divorce rates in correlation to sexual partners. Also no matter how much women try to convince themselves that they can ‘act like men’ in regards to sex, they cannot. Women are emotional and sex and intimacy IS emotional. Also if people are offering sex and intimacy without a relationship what reason is there for one? (This is pertaining to relationships outside of Islam, there is wisdom why it is impermissible as you can see with all the problems in the world currently).

Options – There are so many people now at your finger tips, people you wouldn’t have otherwise met from all over the world. It has broadened our options at the same time constricted them leaving people over exposed and giving a false sense of security with men and women not ‘settling’ because there could be an option of someone better out there so let me wait and see. Having too many options for a person can be wholly unsatisfying. I was reading about when a person is presented with more options of a product then less in a supermarket, they are less satisfied with their choice when they have more options, same psychology perhaps.

Having Fun and Biding Time – Even though a lot of people talk about marriage on MT I don’t know how many are genuinely looking for it. Getting married is a major event in one’s life and the majority of people only want to do it once (polygyny excluded). We can see from the high level of divorce and remarry rates nowadays this is simply not the case, never the less people want to get it right. With social media like never before people have been able to interact at all times from their devices, that separation curtain has effectively been lifted and the topic of free mixing and Haya (modesty/shyness) comes into play and is often talked about also. I think more so in regards to women but that’s another topic. So why when you are young, studying, trying to make money, climbing the career ladder would you get married when you can use social media with the opposite sex like you have never been able to before, lifting those once imposed restrictions. Muslims know the limits within the religion but they are getting blurred on social media much more than they do in the real world.

The Addiction of Notifications and Attention – I watched a YouTube video that said social media is known to be more addictive than crack cocaine, I’ve not tried crack but i agree. Social media is highly addictive it is easy to keep looking and checking your phone, I do it often and have to restrict myself. Being on social media can lead to people wanting and craving attention from others, from posting photos and receiving likes/comments which then spurs them to post more, RT’s, conversations, DM’s, it is allowing people to engage with multiple people at once. Why give up the attention of multiple people for one, for some it can be something hard to do. #HashtagWomenLoveAttention

These Bro’s/Sisters Aint Loyal – I see A LOT of people writing their grievances on Twitter about the opposite sex, cheating is a foremost topic, this can be interlinked with the above points. I see posts about guys AND girls talking to X amount of people privately and in turn people feel they are not being loyal and trying it/getting it with anyone and everyone. The more people see this the more people will think this, there will be more doubts in a person’s mind to whether someone is genuinely interested in them or if they are one of a number, diminishing trust further of the opposite sex. This also causes major problems with people already in relationships if someone is flirting and speaking with everyone the same then who is special? Everyone likes to feel special…even men. (My husband’s comment). There are even adulteress websites, all this made to connect with one another and yet it’s more broken than ever.

Hyper-sexuality – The mystery and intrigue is dying. These sites are becoming like porn sites with over exposed, under-dressed women. Yes, I mainly say women because this is where the main visual hyper-sexuality lies, a woman’s body and sex sells. Men don’t have to chase, put in effort or work hard anymore, why settle when you have so much and it comes so easy from so many people. This imagery can affect men and their relationships with women. The research on how negatively porn is affecting men confirms this.

Life Comparisons and Feeling Unsatisfied –  Seeing photo’s of someone else’s life, beauty, spouse leads to jealousy, envy and dissatisfaction of one’s own life and blessings. It creates competitiveness, fitnah (trial/distress/unrest) can cause evil eye and depression when it is a persona they are seeing and not the full picture of people’s lives.

Gender Roles, Men are Trash Women are Trash –  I’ve seen this ‘statement’ numerous times on twitter. People are hurt left and right they feel like people are playing games and running game and they’re not holding up their end of the bargain and acting like men and women should. Complaining about the opposite sex like they are the enemy when in all actuality they just want to get close to one another. I see tedious 10 thread conversations of LOL and ‘I know you are but what am I’ between guys and girls this is how badly they want to speak to one another!!

In reality what people are looking for is love and to be loved for and cared for and a proper relationship with a real connection.

Meeting and Marrying from the Internet

I met my husband Online. It was at a time when this was not the norm or common at all and still very much a taboo, you were weird or a loser. It was like saying you met someone in prison in today’s terms it was that taboo, crazy I know because of how normal it has become. Because it wasn’t something you didn’t do it wasn’t something I was looking for or even anticipating happening. I see people talking about whether you should or shouldn’t look for someone online, whether it will work, for me it worked out Alhumdilillah. On social media I would advice people not to look for it but if you meet somebody it can be something that you can consider.

I Don’t Know If He’s Serious

I see this also, if you have met someone via social media and are interested in them for marriage I would advice a person to get real and serious quickly because if you don’t you can fall into all sorts of problems. The litmus test for me, there may be brothers saying they like you want to marry you, this is what I did, I told my husband you have one week to call my father, I gave him my father’s phone number and told my father someone may be calling in regards to marriage. I said call or don’t contact me again, my personality is such that I wouldn’t have spoken to him again and he knew that. I didn’t think he would call so I had already thought in my head ok I need to tell my family I’m looking to get married. He called the next day I was completely shocked when my father told me. He came the following weekend with his parents to my dad’s house and as they say the rest is history. If a man is serious about you he will make the necessary steps, money may be an issue for people but my husband was working in a supermarket at the time and still stepped up to the plate like a man and Allah increased our rizq (wealth) soon after we got married when he got his current job. Parents may also have a problem with job, money and marrying outside of the culture which is causing the youth a lot of problems and needs changing to help their children living in these current times.

In Conclusion

Those that are genuinely looking for marriage online or by traditional methods have to be serious, exhaust your efforts, use the matrimonial sites that have a good reputation it wont hurt to try, if you don’t like it u can leave. Get parents, relatives, friends, mosque in the know and make sincere Dua to Allah, he is the provider and it will happen God willing. I would advice not to look on social media but if you do come across someone like I did, get serious quickly, get parents involved otherwise there will be problems, talking to many of the opposite sex like this will not fulfil your heart.

What do you think about the problems I say have arisen? Do you think there are any further? What about solutions?

 

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